Watch this journal for pictures that make me happy from my everyday life, proof of my commitment to a healthier and happier life, plus pictures and links to recipes that are food-allergy safe.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Nightly Update

What I ate:

6 slices of lunchmeat pepperoni = 140 calories
2 servings of Glutino crackers = 280 calories
2+ servings* garlic hummus = 133 calories
1/2 cup Fruity Dyno-Bites = 74 calories
2oz Cool Whip Light = 40 calories
1 cup shredded lettuce = 8 calories
2/3 cup shredded carrots = 30 calories
2/3 cup broccoli florets = 20 calories
1/4 medium red onion = 11 calories
1+ cup* shredded chicken = 290 calories
4 tablespoons blue cheese dressing = 260 calories
1/2 cup bargain brand chocolate ice cream = 130 calories

*when a serving seemed to be a little more generous than intended, and I added a little extra to the calorie count

Total Calories: 1,415
Bravo: My skin seems to be improving. For some background, about two months ago I saw a new doctor (in my own town, so I wouldn't have to drive an hour) and had her write me a bunch of prescriptions. One of the prescriptions that she re-wrote was my birth control rx. Now, my epilepsy medications interact with birth control, causing a few issues. For this reason, I need a HIGH ESTROGEN birth control pill. I have always been on ortho-cyclen and it has always worked out. My new doctor wrote the rx for ortho-cyclen, but there is no generic version of it. The pharmacy has been giving be tri-nessa, with is the generic of ortho TRI cyclen, which is a LOW ESTROGEN pill. I looked it up online and found: Not only can an imbalance cause adult acne, but also can cause depression (too little estrogen affects seratonin --- too much progesterone can also cause depression symptoms). Sooo I called my doctor. My request was simple -- write "fill as is for medical reasons" on the RX so that they couldn't give me a generic. Of course, it took a full day of phone calls to get that fixed, because the stupid, stupid doctor's office kept insisting that I was already on it (not acknowledging the generic issue no matter how many times I said it), but they finally got it. Then I had to wait for my cycle to finish. But it's been a week now that I've been on the right pill, plus I have been VERY VERY strict about taking care of my skin and using all my washes and lotions and peels, and I can see a DEFINITE improvement. Here, pictures, just for you.

About ten days ago:

Today, there are some marks, but they aren't raised anymore. I hope it doesn't take too long for the red spots to go away. If anyone has any advice on this, I would love it. I should mention that I am really happy that I finally got my eyebrows done a week ago. I plan to take much better care of them from now on. It's amazing how much better I feel about myself when I don't look like a grizzly bear.

Boo: I didn't work out today. I didn't pig out either, though. I wish I had more energy. I have no idea why I am always SO tired and never feel like doing ANYTHING.

Weight On Goal?: Technically, no. I weighed myself this morning after two days restricting calories and I GAINED six pounds. I don't buy it. It takes an ACCESS of 3,500 calories to gain ONE pound. For this reason, I can only assume it is water and will go away itself.

Daily Goals

My daily goal is to keep my daily calorie intake under 1800 calories. Ideally, I would like to be under 1500, but that seems a little unrealistic... especially after the last two months of pigging out have got my body CRAVING sugar and carbohydrates.

I want to be a good wife when the time comes. As of today, I am $4,367.48 in debt. This does NOT include my car, which is TECHNICALLY Mike's debt... since Mike bought the car FOR me and makes all the payments on it. Now, I do pay all of our rent, which is the monetary equivilant, but he still pays more bills than I do. He also pays every time we go out, etc. Now, he has an awesome (810) credit score (which is why my car loan is under his name), and I have debt that I am getting nowhere with. I am going to BRING HIM DOWN. So, my goal for money is as follows...

I have a list on my blackberry of every credit card bill that I have, as well as our rent, cable bill, and my car insurance. On this list I also have a running tally of my debt.

I have always checked this list before every payday and paid the bills that were due, usually trying to pay a little extra. This has not been easy, since I don't make very much, but has been easier over the last nine months since Mike and I moved in together.

Basically, nothing is more important than paying off my debt. No, not saving. I don't need to save when my debt is piling up at a 26% (yes, my worst card is 26.99%). I need to pay it off.

So every single day I am logging in and checking my balances and due dates. Every single day I will do SOMETHING towards fixing it. This is hard to explain without sounding especially neurotic, but those of you who achieve by obsessing, like I do, might understand.

Keeping a daily log of my debt TOTAL has been scary. I don't USE my credit cards. If I run out of money completely and need something, Mike would rather buy it for me than see me charge it... so I haven't used my cards in a long long time. So how is my debt rising by as much as a hundred bucks every pay period? Scary, scary stuff.

I am hoping to keep my changes updated, to keep myself motivated.

OK, now, I also plan to work work work on my skin as part of my "self-beautifying" movement. I will post pictures of that. I am already seeing an improvement, because I have been obsessing... even washing my face and applying cream at work.

I will try to post daily. The truth is though that these updates can't be done from blackberry, and my laptop really really does stink... so we will see how easy it is.

I need a new laptop. So bad.

Back On Track - For Real.

Okay... in the two months since I went on vacation I have tried to control myself without counting calories. The result? A slow and steady gain.

Today is day 3 of counting calories again. I was under goal by 200 the first day, over by 90 the next, and on track today.

I am getting married. A wonderful man has deemed me fit to spend the rest of his life with. The least I can do is be the best me that I can be.

My mother is coming in LESS THAN A MONTH to visit, and I think that we are going to go look at dresses, just for shits and giggles. I at least want to be back to my lowest weight by then. Or, even better, actually hit my "vacation goal"... which I came within a pound of meeting before all hell broke loose.

This means I have to focus. I think I can do it. Having a wedding date (9/18/2010, for those of you not paying attention) has made it all the more real to me.

I also am making a one-year plan to be outwardly beautiful in other ways. Skin, hair, teeth... I am starting now. I have made a calendar of what I expect to get done. I am doing twice-daily acne treatments and my skin is looking better after a few days.

Weigh-ins to come when I am not feeling quite so ashamed.

Saturday, September 26, 2009


1 cup frozen strawberries
2/3 cup nonfat vanilla yogurt
1/3 cup orange juice

255 calories
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The huge salad that will make me thin.

711 calories with 3 tablespoons of awesome blue cheese dressing (not pictured).

This will be my main midday meal today. It includes:

One small chicken breast, shredded
A quarter of a red onion
A quarter cup shredded carrot
Half a cup of chopped up broccoli florets
2 hard-boiled eggs

It is the same salad I had last night, and I almost died of happiness.

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Friday, September 25, 2009

Officially back on diet. Finished under 1700 calories today. Hooray!!
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Monday, September 21, 2009

Date set

9/18/2010 is my wedding date. That means I have just under a year to become the me I want to be. Can it be done??
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Thursday, September 17, 2009


I found the best gluten-free rolls in the universe.
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Saturday, September 5, 2009


This is why I am still fat.
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Now this is a puppy face that I miss :(
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Friday, September 4, 2009


Oh, how I wish I was still there!
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A man's man! That's who I will be marrying :)
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Ah, nothing makes me happier...
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