Watch this journal for pictures that make me happy from my everyday life, proof of my commitment to a healthier and happier life, plus pictures and links to recipes that are food-allergy safe.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

If this is as good as it gets.

Since this is supposed to be my blog about the upside of life, I thought this was something I should share.

Sometimes, I get really stressed out. It's actually one of the reasons I decided to change the theme of this blog from "food diary" to "positive life changes". I get stressed out and sometimes have a very hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. One of the recent examples was about a month ago, when I was rejected for a promotion I had applied and interviewed for. I became convinced that there was no way I could survive. It's true, with any dramatization on my part, that my monthly bills total more than my monthly income. Even making minimum payments on my credit cards, I still don't make enough to cover everything. But it's also true that I'm not in it alone, and Mike picks up all my loose strings - he always has.

So, where am I in life right now?

Well, I live in a crooked house. Propane is wickedly expensive. But we have a roof over our head, reasonable rent, kind landlords, and we can say that we have a real home. We have a home that is filled with love. We have a fridge with an ice-maker. So what if we have to carefully choose which walls we lean bookcases up against, so they don't crash down and give us (more) bloody noses? We can live with that. We have a roof over our heads. Not everyone can say they are so lucky.

I got stuck with a car payment that I really can't afford at a very inopportune time. I also have a boyfriend who was gracious enough to put the car in his name to save me 12% interest, which is an ultimate sign of trust. My car is also cherry apple red and freakin' sexy. Just a few years ago I had a car that was paid off, but my epilepsy was so bad that I couldn't drive it. I'll take this. It's another thing that I'm lucky enough to have, that can't be said for everyone.

I don't love my job. Well, who does? I haven't gotten a promotion yet and had been hoping I would, but at the same time, there are hundreds of other people in this county who will kill to work for Lowe's. They have an extremely fair system that I really can't find much to complain about with. Although I am used to making more money, it's still more than minimum wage. If I didn't have so much debt I would call it a livable salary. I could be unemployed. I could work for one of the many companies out there that are laying people off left and right. I could work someplace that doesn't offer insurance, or sick pay. I am confident that a promotion will come my way eventually, when I have truly earned it. I like most of my co-workers. I am lucky and probably don't deserve it, for all the complaining I do.

My family and most of my friends are very, very far away. But they are alive. And they love me. I'm not going to jinx that by talking about it any further.

My skin sags and makes dimples and ripples when I cross my legs. But six months ago, I was so fat that I couldn't cross my legs. I am the healthiest I have ever been. My boyfriend doesn't complain about my body and seems to love me/it more than ever. I also know that there are six billion other fat girls out there who hear about problems associated with weight loss and say "yeah cry me a river" (and other less-favorable things, I am sure.)

So all this begs the question... what if this is as good as it gets?

If this is as good as it gets, that is just fine with me.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

:)

It's easy to forget how good things are sometimes. :)

<3Leah

elizabethx said...

It is. It's always comforting to remember, though.

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